so cold!!!!

man...its so cold back here!...
ok, finally made my confess to him. yeah.gOShh..i did it. i am damn brave yeah. he's so much nicer than i expected, as in thinking and being considerate about others? can Hope really see the invisible, feelings the intangible and acheive the impossible? ok..i have told him things that i am not suppose to tell him. u know what? .really regret. he asked if i am sad and disappointed..wt.. obviously right. i could feel that he's sorry to tell me the truth and doesnt want to hurt mi..he strongly believe that relationship will affect his studies that's why he told mi that his ans will be different during holidays and school days. Aiya.wats the point..yeah..so his ans is no in the end. how about waiting? he said not worth!! >< do u know..its hurt, its being broken into pieces after waiting for such a long period of time..we talked on the phone from 12 until 3+am.. surprised that i didnt cry that night..maybe we switched topic and the power of me wanting to talk to him cheerfully overcame the saddness i was feeling then. however, the first thing i did when i woke up in the next day was..yeah i cried` cried for his meanness and kindness..mean in giving mi a definate ans..kind in considerating about so much things.
i know.. happiness will not knock into my door automatically..but i've done so much and so far..wth do i have in the end..haiz.. gotta fight? nooo rival, its his thinking that prevents my from having any chance..ARgh!!!!!!!
i am confused..i am feeling so cold..i am freezing anytimee..pls freeze my heart and prevent it from crying anymore...