isnt it better

Feeling can come as fast as u want, but it may go even faster than u expected~my feeling was being messed up by a guy recently. hmmm..didnt really mean to hurt him but i think its better to make him realise something early, which is i am definitely not the one for him. although i was being rejected by the one i 'longed' for..but this doesnt mean i'll go for others..not so soon at least. all depends on feelings.. when i went out with him i didnt think of him but when i went out with him to the same place i went with him, i thought of him and had a thought such that if that's him there..and when i think of him, he will appears too. TMD. rather worry about my result than over this troublesome thingy.

something is going wrong

Something is going wrong. it was a frivolous game that we shouldnt have agreed to play. yeah suppose to feel guilty holding hands with him but supprisingly i didnt, i even had the urge to hold it firmly and dun wanna let go, i dunnoe why? propitiously i didnt do so. Cant deny that his hand is nice to hold but somewhere deep inside my heart tells mi that this hand is not for mi and it doesnt belongs to mi too, so u know why when i said u deserve a better one and i should continue to fight for my own happiness. just feel that theres something behind and i feel weird about it.
anyway it was just a game and this dippy game has not over yet -.-

ArhHgg

ARgH!!!! so hot back here!!! ><
here to update -.- valentine's day was LOnely..wahahahha i called him after 12am/ 14-02-05 immediately, of coz wish him happy valentine's day, he said 'Oh'.... -.- he's dumb right, i said 'say back something la!' ..hohohohohooo he said 'happy valentine's day' ..sounds kinda retarded but at least i could hear his voice.. wahahahahaha he's coming back on the 21th!..gonna get something from him ^^
going to start work again.. siAn.. O i am sO dAmn DAMn DAMn fat now!!! ><>

so cold!!!!

man...its so cold back here!...
ok, finally made my confess to him. yeah.gOShh..i did it. i am damn brave yeah. he's so much nicer than i expected, as in thinking and being considerate about others? can Hope really see the invisible, feelings the intangible and acheive the impossible? ok..i have told him things that i am not suppose to tell him. u know what? .really regret. he asked if i am sad and disappointed..wt.. obviously right. i could feel that he's sorry to tell me the truth and doesnt want to hurt mi..he strongly believe that relationship will affect his studies that's why he told mi that his ans will be different during holidays and school days. Aiya.wats the point..yeah..so his ans is no in the end. how about waiting? he said not worth!! >< do u know..its hurt, its being broken into pieces after waiting for such a long period of time..we talked on the phone from 12 until 3+am.. surprised that i didnt cry that night..maybe we switched topic and the power of me wanting to talk to him cheerfully overcame the saddness i was feeling then. however, the first thing i did when i woke up in the next day was..yeah i cried` cried for his meanness and kindness..mean in giving mi a definate ans..kind in considerating about so much things.
i know.. happiness will not knock into my door automatically..but i've done so much and so far..wth do i have in the end..haiz.. gotta fight? nooo rival, its his thinking that prevents my from having any chance..ARgh!!!!!!!
i am confused..i am feeling so cold..i am freezing anytimee..pls freeze my heart and prevent it from crying anymore...